Grammar, Gays and Goose Grabbing.

It's that time of the week again, your questions on - Understanding Uncles. Bit of a mixed bag this week, a nice polite English Grammar query, a shy homosexual and a masturbating maniac. Luckily we here at Understanding Uncles have the answers. Send in your questions to Understanding.Uncles@gmail.com.

q) Dear uncles, in recent weeks, well honestly months I have developed an unhealthy obsession with masturbating, but not just regular, run of the mill bishop bashing, oh no its much worse, i can only do it over angelina jolie or reese witherspoon! god help me if they ever do a film together, what can i do to get out of this sick depraved hole of bad wrists and stiff tissues? please help. Nick

Avoiding the normal response of “Get a girlfriend” (which we’d also be able to help you with, why not try one of our t-shirts?) there are a few other things we can recommend. Try mixing up your fantasies a bit, if you can only do it with Angelina Jolie or Reese Witherspoon, why not try some people who resemble them. Branch out a bit, slowly.

You have little to worry about, masturbation doesn’t make you go blind or get hairy hands however it is bad for your skin. Skin issues (or should we say tissues) aside masturbation can result in a decreased risk of prostate cancer as described in this BBC News Article.

So to sum up we suggest you go out a bit, get some sun, meet some girls but as far as your night time fun time is concerned, don’t fret too much. Try and cut down and branch out entertainment material but otherwise your as normal as every other man.

q) I have written this sentence in my CV ;

“A flexible and reliable worker who funded his university education working numerous jobs whilst also finding time to complete work experience at various media outlets.”

Word keeps telling me to revise my fragments. Dunno what the fuck that means but I dont want companies opening my cv to find green underlines everywhere, I cant for the life of me re word it so the lines go away. Btw you've spelt embarrassing wrong on the site, might wanna change that. Cheers dud(s);) Jack

Well the reason word is telling you that this is a fragment is because a sentence requires what is known as head word, a subject. What would complete the sentence is a noun such as “I” or “Jack” so that the sentence becomes “I am a flexible…” or “Jack is a flexible…”.

It’s worth pointing out however that fragments, more commonly known as minor sentences, are often used by writers for effect. You shouldn’t worry too much about having a minor sentence in your CV however if those lines are getting your nerves then just add an “I” or “Jack” or likewise and that’ll sort you right out.

q) I think I might be gay, I’m only 17 and I’m scared of what the boys in school will say. I don’t want to be gay but I just don’t like girls. I’m not camp like graham Norton or nowt. Help me please, anonymous

Listen mate, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. If you think your gay then be gay. Any mates who can’t handle this aren’t your mates. Homosexuality is no longer a taboo subject in 21^st century Britain, be loud and be proud. Why can’t a gay man play rugby or football or go to gym? You’re just the same as everyone else except you like blokes. There’s an awful stereotype for gay people that just isn’t the case, don’t let other people put you down. You are what you are.

Look after yourself and why not contact these gay support sites?

- http://www.bgiok.org.uk/

- http://www.stonewall.org.uk/

- http://www.broken-rainbow.org.uk/

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That's all this week from Understanding Uncles. Keep those questions coming in for the Understanding Uncles Team.

Don't Smoke!
Angus and Kev