Milfs & Marriage

Welcome to Understanding Uncles. We're back baby with a couple of your questions. What do you do if your friend wants to do your mother? Does your girlfriend think that you proposed? We've got answers. This week - Milfs & Marriage. If you have a question you need answering, or perhaps a funny story? Well contact us at understanding.uncles@Gmail.com

q) My friend keeps flirting with my mother, I want to batter him. It’s not right and it’s not how you should treat your friends, he’s started asking to stay over a lot more. I still like him when he’s not about my mum but it’s really getting to me, tips?

Don’t batter him, violence is never the answer. It is likely your friend doesn’t realise how much this winds you up and he could just be having a laugh. Sit your friend down and have a few quiet words, see if his feelings are genuine or just lust. Should he persist in making inappropriate remarks then it could be time to stop inviting him round your house.

It’s worth bearing in mind that perhaps he really does like your mother in a genuine way. Should your mother be single there’s even the possibility she could return the feelings. A younger man often makes a woman feel good about herself and so you should not allow, if their feelings are genuine and mutual, your own selfishness to ruin their future happiness. Just have patience and take it easy.

q) I recently got my girlfriend a ring, it wasn’t an engagement ring but as soon as I showed her the ring she said yes, and now thinks we’re getting married. I’m young, free and attractive – I don’t want to be married!

If you don’t want to marry then don’t. You clearly care about this lady so we understand (hey it’s our job) that you don’t want to hurt her feelings. It’s a tricky situation. Let’s get this clear, if you don’t want to marry then we can’t let you, it’s our duty as men. Ever thought of an extremely long engagement? Tell your sweetheart that financially a wedding isn’t plausible for a while, you want her big day to be really special (maybe even non-existant). Failing that you can always tell her that it wasn’t an engagement ring, it was a lifelong commitment ring. But then again, what’s the difference.

Let’s face it mate, telling the truth is going get you in a lot of shit. You did a stupid thing but you can make the most of a bad situation. Ever heard of engagement presents? Parties? Stag dos? There are plus points to being engaged. Your choices are tell the truth and get in trouble, get married (boo) or angle for a bloody long engagement. Who knows in ten, fifteen or so years you may actually want to get married. The looks will be fading, your bedroom skills won’t be so hot anymore and you’ll think I’m best off sticking with what I got.

And we’d agree. Marriage, wonderful institution. When you’re old.

Ps. Prenup.

That's all for now. Hope we've helped, don't hesitate to get in touch with understanding.uncles@gmail.com. We'll back soon with more of your questions! Remember, be lucky.

Angus & Kev

Rashes, Romance & Ruddy Big Bellies

Hello again, we're back with more answers for you from your Understanding Uncles. This time we've got questions on rashes, relationships and obesity. We're not here to mock, we're here to help! If you have a query, a story you'd like to share, anything, why not send it in to us at understanding.uncles@gmail.com

q) I recently got out of a long term relationship and need to get back into the dating game; I don’t think I even remember how to flirt! Whatever should I do. Peter

Start off low, start from the bottom and allow your confidence to grow. Easy pulls is a great way to make you feel better about yourself. Our suggestion? Have a few drinks, loosen up and get chatting. Girls often like to be complimented, especially on their shoes, which they like a bit too much. Girls don’t like uncomfortable silence, infact they don’t like silence at all! So to summarise, all you need is a bit of TLC, that is Talking, Listening and Complimenting. Also have a couple of drinks and don’t aim too high.

q) I got a rash you-know-where. Any suggestions? Anon.

Usually a groin rash is the product of heat and sweat, one tried and tested tip is to wear looser boxers to give your groin opportunity to air. Of course with most rashes it is advisable NOT to scratch it, as this inflames irritation and may spread the rash to other areas. We recommend applying skin soothing cream once a day. Also if you have recently changed to a new brand of washing powder or soap this could be the cause so be wary.

Should you have any doubts about your rash we highly recommend seeking medical advice. Although most rashes tend to be non-harmful and more irritation than anything you can never be too careful.

q) I’m a bit fat. Now I’ve tried cutting calories and I’ve tried going to the gym but I’m still a bit fat. Any ideas? Anon.

Losing weight is not just a matter of cutting calories! You must consider such things as fat content, and what nutrients your food provides. A balanced diet will provide you with a broad range of vitamins, proteins, carbs and fats. A balanced diet with regular exercise will fitten you up and make you look and feel considerably better.

Yet it’s important to remember that results aren’t instant, the process is long and a lifestyle commitment. If you don’t see results straight away don’t be disheartened it can take months for the benefits of a good diet and healthy exercise regime to become apparent.

Should you already be doing this to the best of your ability and results still aren’t forthcoming it

would be recommended that you seek medical advice. There are numerous medical conditions which can result in weight gain and, undiagnosed, these can play host to a whole plethora of problems. We hope we’ve helped, why not send in an update on your dietary progress? We’d love to hear from you.

For those who are wondering what Anon looks like at the minute he was kind enough to supply a photo, have a gander at this:

That's it for now folks. We'll back soon answering more of your questions. If you have a question, query or even story make sure you send it in to us, at understanding.uncles@gmail.com.

We will also be reporting soon on some polls we're in the process of carrying out. What do women want in a man? What does a man want in a woman? And other such quandries.

Take Care, Angus & Kev

Hacksaws and Houses

Hello and welcome to the first batch of questions on Understanding Uncles. Just two for you today, one from Jamie and one from Jim Dougan who gave us permission to publish his name. We'll admit not all the questions received so far have been what we expected but we here at Understanding Uncles are here to help. Why not submit your questions to understanding.uncles@gmail.com

q) I have been with my girlfriend for five years now. Having recently purchased my own place I was hoping that she would be ready to move in, I feel that I’ve been ready for quite some time. However she still insists she’s not ready and it’s not the right thing to do. How am I meant to take this? Does this mean she doesn’t like me anymore? Jamie

It’s important to remember that there could be other factors in your partners life which are affecting her decision to move in with you. Are there family issues at home? Past relationships which have gone bad? It could just be that your partner values your relationship so much that she is reluctant to make any move that could damage it.

You must confront your girlfriend in a calm and friendly manner, explain how you feel and try and see what exactly is holding her back. Reassure as to your feelings and belief in the relationship. Unfortunately relationships must move on or they stagnate and eventually fall apart. As a big step as this is, if you feel you’re ready for this commitment it is vital that you convey to your partner how important this step, this progression, is to you and hopefully you will quash any of the fears which are holding her back.

q) How do you use a hacksaw? Jim Dougan

An unusual question this, but we’re here to help. A hacksaw has one handle and a blade protruding from it. Grip the handle and apply pressure only on the outwards motion. Then lightly pull the saw back to the starting point and repeat until your object is cut. As a hacksaw blade may fracture we recommend always wearing protective glasses. Safety First.

That's all for now, visit soon for more interesting and enlightening questions! And don't forget to send in your funny, interesting or embarrassing stories to understanding.uncles@gmail.com.

Take Care! Angus & Kev